Apple CEO Steve Jobs sent a shot across the bow of the recording industry today, issuing an in-depth statement that said that if the recording industry would allow it, Apple would wholeheartedly embrace selling music without digital rights management (DRM).
Imagine a world where every online store sells DRM-free music encoded in open licensable formats. In such a world, any player can play music purchased from any store, and any store can sell music which is playable on all players. This is clearly the best alternative for consumers, and Apple would embrace it in a heartbeat.
The recording industry’s Jack Valenti quickly followed suit, issuing his own statement to consumers of digital entertainment.
Hey, here’s an idea. Why don’t you imagine a world where you shut your cake-hole and buy this crap the way we tell you to, huh? Can you imagine that? Huh? Can you? You frickin’ better imagine it or I’m gonna hit you in the head with a frickin’ Zune.
Microsoft’s Steve Ballmer also chimed in, releasing the following statement early this afternoon.
I was totally going to say that. Exactly what Jobs said. Totally. I mean, I was just talking about this. Ask what’s his name… uh… you know… that guy… Nerdie McSweatervest. Slouchy McJuicebox. Uhh… Gates! Anyway, I was tellin’ him the exact same shit the other day. I’m like, hey! Donnie Dorko! DRM! It’s gotta go, baby! But he’s all like, blah, blah, blah, barriers to entry this, blah, blah, blah, leverage technologies that, blah, blah, blah.
Fricking dork.
Ballmer’s statement was then followed by a statement from open digital rights activist Cory Doctorow:
Phew. Man. That whole thing where I went off on Apple for embracing closed formats… kind of makes me look like an ass right now. Kinda wish I hadn’t written that.
And now I’ve got all my shit in fricking Ubuntu. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking there.
Do you know, I actually cut myself on Ubuntu yesterday? I don’t even know how that’s possible.
Also kind of wish I hadn’t had the Apple logo tattoo lasered off my arm. That hurt like a mother.
Shortly after Jobs’ statement was posted, Apple was sued by Apple Corps for the unlicensed use of the word “Imagine”.
First. And I read it.
Nerdy McSweatervest? How about Four-Eyes McBlondie? or Geekster McHighvoice?
That there is what we in the training department call – technically speaking, of course – some funny shit.
Hey, Deich, don’t steal all the good ones! I plan on milking that gag.
Indeed.
Hey Moltz, you didn’t DRM that shit. It was in the public domain.
I’ll sue you blind!
Probably eight by now, but maybe SEVEN!
Are we back to the Lawsuit of Bats?
Ragged will testify as to my innocence. Right, Rip? Right?
This 11th post is open source’d, much like many of your mothers.
Yeah, I “Imagine” being the first poster…
Although here in Ireland that’s quite unimaginable with Moltz posting the articles earlier every day!
Still, the fun pays off the sleepless night…
meow
Deich who?
Hey, those are my jicamas.
Well, I’ve only heard about Deichmann and that’s in Germany.
meow
Hey Europe. Kiss my ass.
I’ll bury DRM! I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again! Give it up for me! Who said sit down! I have four words for you: Digital Rights Manage Ment!
And I always thought DRM DRM, DRM DRM DRM was the first line of The Pink Panther.
It’s the Apple campus pirate flag all over again. Mr. Jobs can’t stand being “the Man” so now he’s wearing the black t-shirt with the pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve. And he’s spinning a hubcap on his index finger for good measure.
Even George Costanza can be the bad boy sometimes.
DRM? Yeah, I use it as toilet paper.
Speaking of TP…..
Man, this is funny stuff.
It’s way past my bedtime, though. Might not be as funny in the morning.
My aging Powerbook’s resources are too busy with torrenting so I can’t really give an opinion on this right now.
22nd post
Ladies and gentlemen, once again, Mattingly!
The only time Jack Valenti was ever funny was when he was on the cartoon Freakazoid!
And yes, that it a pirate flag on my desk. What of it?
Oops. Should have been “…that is a pirate flag…”.
Where’s the flippin’ grammar check?
Speaking of TP, don’t forget to add a comment to TeraPost:
Oooh! I didn’t notice that that was 5 squared!
That fucking mosquito nearly bit my hand!
I’m not entirely sure that is relevant to this conversation, however.
Buthidae,
I believe you meant to post that in the TP. http://www.crazyapplerumors.com/?p=782
The mosquitos are very relevant there, as well as elephants, elequitos, ants, Bavarians, Bavariants, Shrews, the French, & Frews.
Funny, we haven’t heard much from Doctorow about how his little Ubuntu excursion worked out.
[...] [Update]: clearly the best commentary on things is at Crazy Apple Rumors Shortly after Jobs’ statement was posted, Apple was sued by Apple Corps for the unlicensed use of the word “Imagine”. [...]
> “Shortly after Jobs’ statement was posted, Apple was sued by Apple Corps for the unlicensed use of the word “Imagine”.”
Frickin’ genius.
I thought after apple settled with apple, apple could use ‘imagine’ without the consent of apple, as long as apple owned ‘imagine’ before, which is a different story as a telecom company in east asia brought ‘imagine’ from apple for a TV commerce ten years ago. eh…
This is absolutely hilarious. I love Balmers response. Classic.
John? What exactly do you mean by “gag?” I thought this was a real news/rumors site! How could you destroy my trust like that? You, you… big Meanie McNastyguy!
Also, this was posted by CARS staff, so how exactly were you involved? Is this another lie? I’m leaving you! I’m leaving you for
…um
some other humorous Apple commentary site?
Damn.
Ha! Ha-ha-ha!
Face it. We’re stuck with each other.
hahahaha. awesome. love the cory doctorow bit. haha.
Jack Valenti is a lot cooler these days, speaking out against the war, than when he worked for the movie industry, when he was a blowhard.
Oooh, sorry. Not supposed to get political.
Ahem.
A crazy apple a day keeps the psychologist away.
Phil,
Someone has probably already told you that you have an “object handler” error on your web page. Get that fixed will you man?
I thought this was a family blog. “Object handler?” I’m disgusted.
There are two “g”s in ragged. Thank you.
[...] Read the rest, it’s hilarious. [...]
[...] Jobs Issues Statement on DRM. [...]
[...] Steve wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptSeveral other prominent people follow suit. [...]
[...] Sajeev Mehta wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptSeveral other prominent people follow suit. [...]
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waterfront pension is capable of doing that for you.
If you are late on pledges, you village riping slapped with penalties.
[...] the humerous side of things, CARS rings in with responses from Jack Valenti, Steve Ballmer and Cory Doctorow, while MacUser has an interview with Fake Steve. Both of these are well worth the read. Meanwhile, [...]
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