After a long, sweaty wait without any refreshments or lounge chairs (c’mon, Apple!), we’re in! I think I made John Gruber angry in the line. I pointed at him from across the way and he gave me a “What the hell are you looking at?” face.
Sooooo like a Yankee fan…
It’s 9:01 and the Apple Store is down!
Oh, wait, I just can’t get a connection. Sorry. My bad.
I bet I could get a connection if I had an Apple Phone. I hear those are going to be wicked boss.
Wait a second.
Nope. Just checked under my chair. No Apple phone. I thought maybe we’d all get free Apple Phones. Nope.
Just some crappy tablet device.
Huh.
Suppose that’s kind of cool. Pen-based input. I dunno.
I was expecting a phone.
Oh, no. It’s 9:11 and Steve hasn’t taken the stage yet!
Oh, my god, Steve Jobs has been fired!
AAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAH!
NOOOOOOOO!
Oh, no, wait, they’re just starting late.
The lights are dimming! James Brown is done!
Steve!
Jobs!
Jeans!
Turtleneck!
Technology!
Whiskey!
Sexy!
Steve’s touting the switch to Intel.
Oooh, Steve burns Jim Alchin as he rightly should be burned.
New Mac guy ad for Vista! With a butt joke!
And, uh, he’s done with the Mac for the day.
Wow.
I’m literally holding onto my seat. It’s really hard to type like this but I’m afraid I’m just going to go flying out of my chair because of the awesomeness.
iPod. Sexy. iTunes. Over 2 billion songs.
1.2 million in 2006, twice 2005. 5 million songs a day.
But, Steve…
iTunes sales are down. I read it somewhere.
Well, he can’t hear me.
iTunes has passed Amazon. 50 million TV shows sold. 1.3 million movies sold.
And all that without selling a lick of porn.
And who doesn’t like a nice lick of porn?
Paramount is joining iTunes! Exclamation mark! Steve said they have “all 6 Star Trek movies.”
All six?
Actually, you know what? That’s fine.
Steve burns the Zune. Literally.
New iPod ad. And a variant. I missed the first one trying to type with my nose so I’m not sure what the difference is.
Apple TV! Apple logo, small “tv”. There should be an exclamation mark. And an ampersand. Ampersands are awesome.
720p HD video. 40 GB hard drive. 802.11 b+g+n! AND L! That’s lesbian wifi.
You can autosync from one PC and stream from up to 5. He’s streaming the trailer for the Good Sheperd, but I gotta tell you, on a 40-foot screen…
…it looks a little pixellated.
So, if you have a 40-foot screen at home…
He’s showing music on the Apple tv and the first album that floats by is Sgt. Pepper.
WHA!
Oh, holy crap, I just noticed I’m sitting next to Ringo.
PHIL! Phil comes on to play the part of Steve’s neighbor coming over with his MacBook to stream some stuff to Steve’s Apple tv. I love the image of this fantasy neighborhood where Steve lives next to Phil. Tim Cook lives next to him. They wave at each other every morning when they get the paper…
Taking orders today! $299! Technology! Whiskey! Sexy!
DRAMATIC PAUSE.
3 new products!
Whaaaaa! [clunk]
Oh, crap, I fell out of my chair.
Widescreen iPod!
Mobile phone!
Internet communications device!
Technology!
Whiskey!
Sexy!
And they’re all the same device!
Ah, Steve has a little fun at our expense. He put up a picture of an original iPod with a rotary dial.
Ha-ha. Just leave the jokes to the professionals, Mr. Funny Pants.
iPhone will be smart and easy to use. Revolutionary user interface using a pointer we’re all born with! Apple is introducing butt-control!
Oh, he’s talking about the finger.
iPhone runs OS X.
Whaaaaa! [clunk]
Ah, crap, I fell out of my chair again.
iPhone syncs through iTunes. 160 ppi screen. And only one button! Hey, I was right! 2 megapixel camera. Proximity sensor. Killer laser beams. Nuclear attack mode! Technology! Whiskey! Sexy!
“You can touch your music.”
What if I want to grope my music? Can I do that?
Another Beatles reference.
Can I just make an aside that this is so fucking awesome I can’t even believe it?
“The killer app is making calls.”
Really? I thought it was playing crappy little games. Like Squix or whatever the fuck that’s called.
Quad-band GSM + EDGE.
Whatever those are.
Steve calls Jonathan Ive and then Schiller calls and gets conferenced in.
All in the magical, wonderful neighborhood of Apple executives.
Won’t you be my?
Would you be my?
Won’t you be…
…my Apple executive neighbor?
Random access voice mail.
Internet communication device. Rich HTML email. Safari. Google Maps. Widgets! Wi-Fi! EDGE! Technology! Whiskey! Sexy!
Some sushi restaurant just got a hang-up from Steve jobs. “Hello?! Hello?! STEVE?!”
These guys are awfully hung up on this dinner they’re having.
Now he’s doing Safari. Opened the NY Times page which looks really small…
C’mon.
Pinch it.
Pinch it.
Pinch it!
Oh, YEAH! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ‘BOUT, BABY!
He pinched it.
Google Maps. Oh, holy crap Steve just crank called the Starbucks next door.
Now he’s showing the Eiffel Tower and switching from the map to satellite mode.
You know, suddenly I get the feeling I’m in a James Bond movie and the evil genius is revealing his plan.
“And now I’ll show you where I placed the bombs, Mr Bond…”
Google CEO Dr. Eric Schmidt takes the stage.
In a jean shirt with a tie.
What the fuck is that?
“Could computers… XML… blah blah…”
Jerry Yang, co-founder and chief of Yahoo!
“Search… aggregated… blah blah…”
In short, it’s internet in your pants.
Accessories!
Headphones with a microphone. Teeny Bluetooth headset!
Technology!
Whiskey!
S…
Ah, you know the rest.
4GB – $499. 8GB – $599.
Shipping in June.
I wonder if there was a way for him to announce those two things before he announced the product.
Cingular to be the exclusive partner in the U.S.
Cingular CEO Stan Sigman.
“You exceeded my expectations.”
Dude, no offense, but just looking at you, it doesn’t look that hard.
Also, I use your service, so…
And he’s talking.
And talking.
Actually, he’s reading from cards.
…
Holy crap.
Someone get the tranquilizer gun. I don’t think this guy is going to stop.
…
Oh, thank god.
OK, Steve’s back. And, he’s having a clicker malfunction. He quickly fills in with a story about him and Woz. What a champ.
Steve’s thanking all people who worked on the iPhone and all the families. Hey, Steve’s really chocked up. That’s really sweet.
Dude…
You’re not leaving.
You can’t leave us.
Don’t ever leave us.
Not that we’re needy or anything…
Just…
Don’t leave.
We keep on waitin’…
Waitin’ on the world to change…
OK, he’s not leaving.
Cool.
June? Argh…
And first! (?)
Second! Highest ever!!
Yay for the iPhone, and all the lawsuits it will bring.
wow,I made the top ten, and I even read the whole thing, but who can wait for Jume , I want to sue right now.Ä
FIRST!!!!! Ha! W00t!!! First time poster and a first-first, first.
So what what that about a phone?
The one rumor no one guessed, they brought back the newton.
Darn. John, please clarify for me….which one of those was the lesbian ninja sexbot with the NFL team logo?
Ok – fine…
First time poster and 5th. woot. yeah.
Dang…
Here are my post-keynote, post-comments. Live! The first guy just said, “First post!”
11th. Nice coverage!
11th!
Oh never mind. Those phones are cool though.
OHMG! That’s my second time. I’d like to thank my son for being sick and not being able to go to daycare so that I can sit in front of my computer waiting for RSS to kick in. I’d like to thank the “Johns,” Thor, Ugluk, and the whole CARS team.
Zune is Dead!
6th!!!!!
Just got back from the apple web site and saw… wet my pants, but I’m just going to sit here and enjoy it…
Really disappointed about no bleu cheese nanos.
Just so’s you know. The “first guy” did, in fact read the article. Sheesh!
And, OMG Mr. Moltz – Congrats on your stunning prediction!
http://www.macworld.com/2007/01/features/2007pre/index.php
Even the latte comment has an eerie familiarity with the prank phone call. Was the Entity time-traveling again? (And I can hardly wait for iTunes 8! Nice feature…)
Hello ?
Could someone hang up ?
I’m talking with this …er…phone, but
…er…
…er…it just sent me an email. Yes, to myself, and it read it to me, and then it ordered two Starbuck’s Orange-Cola-Frappaccino and
…er…
Shiller talked in the …thing
…but to someone else, I think.
And…er…I didn’t find any way out in the NewYork Times, I don’t care about WalMart Street, and
THESE F***ING LOCKED TOILETS AREN’T ON GOOGLE MAPS !!
OH MY GOD! I can’t think of anything witty to say!
yay for macworld
boo for cingular only iphone
A lame keynote! There was no “One More Thing…”…
I just flew in from Las Vegas and BOY did we patent it.
Even lost twenty-one.
Goodbye cruel world. I shall never handle the iPhone, never run my fingers over Jennifer freakin’ Connelly, hang on, that’s the company that tans the hides for Rollers. What’s so great about that?
He never mentioned that there was a new Airport Extreme. And guess what shape it is. Nope, not an Evil Goat™. It’s a square. Yep, just like the last 6 things Ives has designed it is a freaking rectangle of some sort.
Maybe the CLicker meant they couldn’t introduce the 802.11N +L Extreme.
Extreme Lesbian Wireless. Now that sounds good.
24! Yes! I want an 802.11L Extreme!
I waited a half an hour for “one more thing,” and wouldn’t you know it, the waitress was on a break out back smoking cigarettes the whole time.
Now my coffee’s cold.
And I’m out of peanuts.
http://newsroom.cisco.com/dlls/2007/corp_010907b.html
Dang I was hoping for an Apple vs. Cisco battle to rival Gamera vs. Viras.
Technology!
Whiskey!
Sexy!
Probably one of the most obvious statements Moltz has ever posted:
“James Brown is done!”
I’ll say.
Where the hell were the ponies?
Meh. I am really disappointed. Is it just too much to ask for iPods with fricking laser beams!?
Did he mention Leopard? Even once? Even accidentally? Like that part where he said “..we’ve got some Van Halen, some Def Lepp…Oh, here’s Phil on the phone…”
Underwhelming, for those of us not interested in next-generation hardware and insane portable convenience.
I wonder if part two is tomorrow…
Laser beams?!!?!
Stupid, useless phone doesn’t have a cork screw or a phillips screwdriver. Just exactly what can you do with that?
And Paramount. Paramount? Puh-Leeze. There probably aren’t three lesbian ninja titles in their whole catalog.
Dang it.
I think that they are releasing it only in June to give us time to train our fingers.
So that we will be able to drag all those sliders and pictures and stuff…
meow
Sexy!
Technology!
Scroll!
Do I qualify for a free iPhone for getting the 33 post?
meow
When you think of it, Jobs got sooooo tired of scrolling, that he couldn’t even click his clicker any more…
meow
The ponies had their day off…
Hey Moltz – where do you get off calling Sir Steve “Mr. Funny Pants”?
That’s Mr. Funny Turtleneck to you…!
No. He was wearing pants. At least I think he was wearing pants. I was pretty busy looking at the screen, so I didn’t really look. Well, I mean someone would have noticed on one of the sites somewhere if he wasn’t. Right? Somebody help me out here.
Alright. Who took my noodles?
20. Ventzi Says:
January 9th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
A lame keynote! There was no “One More Thing…”…
******* What… giving up so soon? Hang around!! Like Moltz said (“AS” Moltz said), he didn’t even get to the Macs yet!
Bill Gates said that Apple is at a huge disadvantage because they do the hardware and the software for their stuff. Man. I sure wish I was at that huge of a disadvantage. I’d go get me a fresh piece of cardboard, a new Sharpie, and two (2) bottles of Thunderbird. I might even splurge and buy a couple of clean shirts at the Thrift Store.
Would you mind moving down the street a little? This is a no smoking area.
The zune rocks!!!!!
Ooops … I meant, the zune is a rock. Sorry.
And I can’t wait to get the Apple TV. TV stands for TransVestite, right? That’s sorta like a sexbot. Sorta.
Zune rocks? I think I caught that once when I was younger. Amoxycillin worked for me.
Woo-HOO! Or should I say, w00t! Forty-Freakin’-Fifth!!
John, What’s with this posting in the goddamn morning? Some of us have stuff to do in the morning and get in trouble with the MAN if we read C.A.R.S. while we’re supposed to be doing it. Damn!
Moltz, you know, of course, that since you’ve been right this once we can never trust you again. There I was (just never you mind *where*, mister!) all set to enjoy his Steveness in full knowledge and comfort that nothing he could introduce would be as sheer off-the-wall as what you predict, and what happens!? I’ll tell you what happens! My faith in the impossible is ruined! RUINED, I say!
Oh, well, at least i can comfort myself with the lesbian ninja sexbots that weren’t announced. Muffy, Natasha… come girls, I think we should go now…
First off…
iPhone… it’s about god damn time. I have only been waiting for this phone for about 2 years now. And now we have to wait at LEAST 6 more months for it… and it doesn’t do IM??? But it reads Word, Excel and PPT files, right? And I am going to take a wild guess and say that this thing is snazzy, but not too many Blackberry’s are going to be replaced by this thing. And it is “5 Years ahead of it’s time”… yet it is using EDGE??? It is running Unix… so their is going to be a terminal app… right? So I can SSH from the thing? Right??? Right??? I think I will wait for the 2 or 3G version.
AAAANnnnnnddd…. since when did iTunes start shipping HD content? I thought it was all “near DVD quality” video. Has Steve ever seen SD content on an HD screen? Helloooooo GIGO! 40GB HD in the aTV? Forgive me if I am wrong, but isn’t there an 80GB iPod? “These Digital Cameras are do fantastic these days… your pictures are high def you know”. Man. Without. A. Clue.
Ok, now on to my REAL rant. So… please tell me… Steve DID know that this was the Keynote for MACworld expo, right? He didn’t think he was in Las Vegas for CES, did he? “We sold a lot of Macs last year to former windows users, and that is all we are going to say about the Mac today”. Damn… I am glad I could not afford to go to the keynote this year, I’d have been pissed to get out there at 6am only to not have any Mac announcements made.
At least tell us that Leopard is on schedule… for 2007… sometime… Maybe assure us that a new version of iLife is coming (because you know, iWeb sucks). iWork could use some work (or have you not used Pages??). How about not ignoring the fact that Intel has release quad core chips. How about talking a little bit about security, and bitchslap Maynor and Elich a little. You are in the middle of “Apple Exploits Month” you might want to reassure the Mac users that anything that might come out of that will be patched quickly. What about Adobe CS3… Office 2008… 2009? .Mac could use a lot of work, and a lot of new features… but nope…. This is now AppleExpo, but IDG just didn’t want to spend the money to change all the stationary I guess.
Lastly… why is this “name change” of Apple dropping “Computer” from their name such big news? Didn’t they do this six years ago?
http://www.appleturns.com/scene/?id=2012
Have they waited this long to announce it, because they had a big order of checks come in back in December 1999 and they didn’t want to have to reorder?
This has to be in the top 5 most disappointing Macworld keynotes ever! The most dissapointing for me was going into NY expecting to see LCD iMacs, and instead getting a lecture on the MHz myth. But hey… at least that had SOMETHING to do with Mac’s!
ooh, baby, it’s sooo big. It’s a flamin’ monster
4.5 x 2.4 inches
4.8 ounces , wow baby!!
and all for the killer app of phone calls???
That’s a phone in your pocket, right?
but it is damn sexy. wanna have, gotta have…
but cingular, urgh!
Just watched Keynote and
STEVE HAS SOLD OUT.
He made a dinner date with Phil at a sushi restaurant.
Fish for a vegan?
Nifty 50!
So where’s the time traveling function in the iPhone. I mean, it was used here at CARS a little while ago (sorry, but I forgot the post # for it).
For 802.11L, it is currently “reserved”, hopefully for sexbot capabilities.
Also, why doesn’t the iPhone slice, dice, and julienne. Hmmm… Julie, Ann. Meet the Lesbian Ninja Sexbots. But I digress.
Having read all 380,000 comments and articles regarding the iPhone, let me explain the overall public feeling. I’m sorry, there’s not enough time to explain: I will sum up.
1. The screen is too big, it hurts my eyes.
2.
3. It doesn’t roast vegetables, at least not in aluminum foil.
4. I don’t need a cell phone. I need a back rub.
(#2 is deliberately left blank.)
Good, bad, or indifferent- I’m just happy for what the iPhone is doing to my Apple stock.
It really… um just a sec
WILL YOU TWO CUT THAT OUT!!! GET OFF OF HER RIGHT NOW!!! AND KEEP YOUR MULTITOUCH SCREEN TO YOURSELF!
I DON”T CARE WHO STARTED IT!! I’M STOPPING IT
Sorry. What was I saying….
Steve is all chocked up? Yank out them chocks and let him fly! He’s not worth anything to us stuck on the runway.
I agree with TABP.
Where was the chicken baster attachment? The off-road package? Can you get it complete with a 4-day tour of Napa Valley wineries? Can it squirt songs? Can you shuffle it like those disembodied hands do with the Blackjack? Does it even come with disembodied hands? Wait a minute…. I’m not sure I like the direction this is going. My new Mac|Life is here. I think I’ll go read the | thing.
What is that blinking?
Chris. Nice to see you. The Valium is in the medicine cabinet. Help yourself.
TABP, stop poking him with the stick for a while. See if that helps.
Best.
Live.
Keynote.
EVAR!!!
(plus. most. overused. blog. expression.)
((There. I’m. Done. Now.))
errr, I actually meant this is the best live post-keynote blog I’ve seen this year, and quite possibly any year! of course, John did have good starting material to work with, but still . . .
And the fact that there is now an actual fact to be found on CARS is perhaps the most mind-boggling part.
Rip – Chris didn’t stop writing UNTIL I poked him with the stick.
A good shot right between the asterisks and he signed off. *|*
You’re welcome.
There’s something about a | between the * * that just takes the wind out of your sails.
Big doings yesterday. Richard Nixon’s Birthday. National Apricot Day. Something about a phone in San Francisco. I made chili for dinner.
Do something about that smell.
…
[...] Crazy Apple Rumor’s Post Keynote Live Blog. January 12, 2007, 7:29 am o’clock [...]
Please disregard the rumor that Apple is trying to acquire the Sarcastic Idiocy Forum. This property is much too valuable and cutting edge to ever survive in under the corporate thumb of Apple.
http://www.thesif.net/SIF/index.php?
officials violated civil service rules by favoring conservative Republicans when hiring lawyers …
in Germany and then in the United States
nice
Chat with live girls for free…
…
COOL
Good Day Guru, I am glad I pressed harder enough until I found squirt movie, because this post on Post-Keynote Keynote Live Blog! was extremely helpful. Just last Thursday I was pondering on this quite a bit.