As the realization that their values are being compromised by an inundation of inbred, Windows-using yahoos spread today, the Mac community began to rise up and demand action.
“In order to protect our vital cultural heritage as Mac users, we ask that the Mac community be sealed off until futher notice,” said a statement issued by a collection of commenters on this site.
Recognizing a vital voting bloc in this year’s mid-term election, politicians raced to pander to Mac users.
President Bush today vowed to build a 150 mile collection of fences around Apple Stores in an effort to keep Windows users from migrating to the Macintosh. Republicans in Congress pressed for stricter measures that would require former Windows users to switch back.
House Democrats, meanwhile, proposed a tepid reeducation program that would help Windows users acclimate to the Macintosh community by teaching them some of the basics of good taste.
House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi said, “Many Windows users simply don’t know, for example, that War At Home is really a horrible, horrible show.
“Truly awful. Abysmal. Absolutely unwatchable.”
For most Mac users, however, none of this pandering was satisfactory.
“I won’t be happy until Windows users are shot before they come within thirty feet of a Macintosh,” said columnist Andy Ihnatko.
“I’m kind of a stickler that way.”
Many were concerned that an influx of Windows users would mean fewer Macs for those who bleed six colors.
“Macs for Mac users!” a collection of protestors shouted unironically outside the flagship Fifth Avenue Apple Store.
Apple declined to comment for this story other than to repeat “‘Macs for Mac users’?”
Last!
moo
Second to last!
Moltz. This requires a strong government and amendments to the constitution. Can you clone Hitler, Stalin or Idi Amin?
Damn! Forgot.
Eleventh.
Don’t leave us hanging, Moltz! A statement issued by who? Please tell me it was the evil goat!
Oh..and fourthish.
Somewhere in the top! lawls lawl roxors
What the mercury blue… I posted more amd it didn’t show up. Meh. Let’s try again:
lawls lawl roxors oh em geezorz roffle waffles. pwned like @ n00b.
I need to dig out my protest sign…
Severalnth.
Sign Please:
http://www.petitiononline.com/keynotes/
Apple Petition: http://www.petitiononline.com/keynotes/
I too wait with breath abate for the conclusion to “said a statement issued by”
And in other news, Hooters is coming to Sydney.
Should I be excited?
Maybe 10th but probably 11th.
Yesssss!
Let us moat off 11th. I demand it!
w00t! Dozenth!
R0XX()r teh s{}XX0r
Methinks mysterious stater understands the metaphysics of absence.
I have taken, since I decided the medication wasn’t helping, to shooting all people, on sight. My theory is that, as only 3.2% of the population uses Macs, most people I see use PCs, and so therefore are potential immigrants. Furthermore, even if this does result in the deaths of some Mac users, it is what they would have wanted.
Blair hasn’t put enough security around the Regent Street store, so I am off there to ‘do his job for him’. Protecting God-fearing Mac-Users. I agree “Macs for Mac Users”
What’s wrong with War at Home? I… I like that show. Don’t marginalize me just because I’m half Windows, half Mac.
3ird. Tird. Th-rd.
Yay.
I’m a migrated PC user, please don’t shoot me! I repent, I repent!
(Not really – I still have Windows PCs in the house too. So NYAHHHH! BLPHHHHHH!)
“an inundation of inbred Windows using yahoos”
Let’s examine this statement, shall we?
Does this translate to “an inundation of inbred Windows, using yahoos”? How does one come up with an inbred Window? And isn’t it “Yahoo” rather than “yahoos”?
Or perhaps it was meant to say “an inundation of inbred, Windows-using yahoos,” wherein the addition of a comma and a hyphen ensure that the two terms “inbred” and “Windows-using” are read correctly as modifiers of the term “yahoos.”
Yes, I’m being petty and all. But think of all those inbred, Windows-using yahoos who haven’t a clue of what I’m talking about! (Ah, the feeling of smugness! This is the one thing Mac Users for Macs live for!)
Yahooligan!
It’s a voting “bloc,” as opposed to a “block.”
And why would a 3% market share of voters necessitate so much political pandering, anyway? I’m just saying.
What? Moltz actually listens to current events outside the tech world? I am appalled, I say. Appalled!
Thank you, Spell Czech. And, you know, UhhhDude, those modifiers just tend to accumulate without my conscious awareness and the next thing you know it’s just a jumble of words without punctuation. Like horseshoe crabs on the beach in the morning.
You are all idiots!! “said a statement issued by” is indeed finished. But Moltz is using the latest product from Apple “and I’m excited about it” called “invisible internet ink”. It’s there, you just can’t see it! Squeeze some lemon juice on your monitor and then toss it into a warm oven for 5 minutes and it appears, AS IF BY MAGIC!!
BTW, Bush has since changed his position on this issue. He’s dropped the idea of a fence and is now pushing to have it made a felony for anyone to cross the PC/Mac border.
Sanctions aren’t working. We invade at dawn.
You know, suddenly, the release of the iFlame makes so much sense now.
moo
Moltz old boy, is there anyway we can get some HTML formatting in the comments? Nothing dangerous, just a <i> and <b> and once in a while would be nice.
Is Masako still gay? Yes? Damn. ‘Cause she’s kind of “Tech Talking Babe” hot, ya know?
Oops. I am an ass!! I had no idea that we could format the comments.
Oh, I’m dangerous now…
The thing that gets me is the bill that would make helping Switchers a *felony*. Is giving someone the directions to an Apple Store or an old copy of Jaguar really on the same level of criminality as arson or grand theft? Because I don’t think so.
How’d you do that? Like this? Or like this? Because I’d like to be able to do that too..
Affirmative action for slack-jaws!
We must not dilute the gene pool. Add a little chlorine, maybe.
“said a statement issued by”
Oops. I blame Chet.
Anyway, the radical Mac-using group that issued the statement has been added.
Holy crap, we broke first post! :-O
But I still want a magic number! Fourty-nineteenthish!
Not to be too AOL-ish about this, but…
…LOL at the addition
Hmm. See, I thought everyone was getting crazy first post because they added a <B> to their name. But then I removed it and it’s still all firsty.
*points* Ahnyer Keester broke first post!!!!
~~
and the fun just keeps on going. I had a B tag in there, but i split it up with spaces, and the comment code absorbed it! :-S
Fear the comments!! *wooooooo-ooooo*
“What? Moltz actually listens to current events outside the tech world? I am appalled, I say. Appalled!”
Here’s a well-known secret about Moltz.
But those Macintarshes are rale purdey BLAM!
Well, there goes the neighbourhood…
13th first post!
YAY
UhhhDude, call me.
Brilliant John.
A new record of first posts.
Think I might buy a Windows system, at least they can count.
John Moltz,
Can you email me?
Of course I don’t know Moltz, but that link does seem kinda accurate.
First. Just like the next guy.
Would it be inappropriate to have Mac Zealot next to MCSE on a business card?
Just asking.
So, really… if we send all the Windows migrants back whence they came, who’s going to be willing to fix the router for five bucks? Mac users won’t do that kind of work for that kind of money. Even if we knew how.
Finally someone says what we’ve all been thinking about “The War At Home.”
Rappaport isn’t a comic actor.
Actually, I don’t know if he’s either.
For those of you having fun with html tags, that’s exactly why I had them off in CARS 2.0. Please to not spoil a good time for everyone.
Yea, tho I am a L33+ H4>promise to behave myself from now on.
Bwahahaaahahaaahahaahahaaaa
ha
Haaa
Ha
ha
I’m the bald Gene with the “bald” gene.
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
….
Wait, I seem to have forgotten which side I was on, could someone remind me? Ha Ha! Alzheimer’s. Ha Ha! Bad spelling.
Oh my, did I break the layout? Someone really should fix that…
I forgot to mention, 50th biatchnuggets!
Ha-ha!
Bi-atch.
Why can’t we have a 53rd No.1.
You’ve cocked up again Young Johnny.
um…123th damn..