Crazy Apple Rumors Site parent company Giant Squid Productions is proud to announce Schillerworld Magazine, a print publication devoted entirely to Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.
Inside Schillerworld, you’ll find out what Phil’s really like from those who know him. You’ll get exclusive interviews with Phil, reviews of Phil Schiller accessories, and Phil’s tips on marketing, hockey and how to make it with beautiful babes as well as the inside scoop on what really goes on during those iChat demos at Macworld.
Here’s a sneak peek at the cover of this month’s issue!
Available on newsstands this month. Subscriptions available at reasonable rates.
Don’t miss out! Order yours today!
Frost Pist for an April Fools!!!!
Happy April Fools CARS and fans!
Damn you!
Third!
I checked out the first issue. He is wearing pants. Repeat: He is wearing pants.
And they’re plaid!
With a solid color polo shirt — doesn’t that vioate Apple’s dress code?
But will the magazine answer my question– is he wearing a rug or what?
Yeah, I’ll bet he’s not wearing any underware though!!!!
Ooooo, kinky!
Don’t be mad! A full 9 minutes past before I just happened along. It’s my second first post. And I stopped to read it!
WoooHooo 7!
Barefoot though.
And about him being Canadian… Is Joni Mitchell Canadian? Is the Pope Catholic? Is William Shatner Canadian? How about John Candy? Martin Short? Moxy Fruvous? Neil Young? The Queen?
Who isn’t?
My final comment: Any magazine whose name ends with “world” should not have a centerfold. It cheapens the whole enterprise.
¡ SEGUNDO !
wow, do they ship to australia?
Let me see………..
11th?
The peach can opening was hot.
Then when he was eating the peaches, the close shots of the syrupy juice trickling down his chin…swoon.
Subtly erotic. Howard’s finest work since the chihuahua and the pigeon.
OMG you suck, how could I possibly miss this?
ELEVEN!!!
SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER!
SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER!
SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER!
SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER!
SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER! SCHILLER!
I’ll be dropping in at your Tacoma office to pick one up. What time does the Entity glide in? I’d like to gape at him.
I’d like to order a 3 year subscription!
When can I get it? I’ll give your your credit card number… I mean my credit card number. Oh and umm… my name in real life is really John Moltz. Isn’t that a weird coincidence I know it’s an odd name for a woman.. but my parents are pretty weird. Well since I’m charging it get me a lifetime subscription.
Thanks!
Schillerworld: The Most Fun You can Have With Your Pants Off.
You had me until the hockey story. I too, would have immediately purchased a lifetime subscription…which brings up a interesting point, Del. Is it our lifetime?… Or Phil Schiller’s???
But a hockey story?!?!?! Who cares!!!! Certainly not the hockey owners or players… I not sure even the fans really noticed that hockey has been missing this year.
The Dell face-off? Top notch!
The Canadian analysis? Well it answered my questions.
The peaches? *blush* Ah, is this shipping in a plain brown wrapper?
Great issue EXCEPT for the hockey… Complete waste of paper!
Oh, and did anyone else immediately mapquest the CARS offices? We now know where to show up for the wild, drunken office parties!!!! Pysko, are you close enough to reconnoite for us?
Yum Sugar-Free Radical Google Gulp is my favorite.
Phil!
Nice products in the pipe:
http://www.theappleblog.com/2005/04/01/apple-to-release-home-media-center-ihome/
http://www.theappleblog.com/2005/04/01/inote-the-apple-pda/
Fools can dream.
Wait! …Phil Shiller accessories???
How do these things work? Do they strap on? Is there Velcro involved? Do they require batteries? And if so, how many and what size? And, most importantly, will they void the warranty?
I must have a copy of this magazine! These are things I need to know…
You should see the next issue! Naomi Campbell is going to show me how to bitch-slap Steve Jobs.
Don’t miss it!
And the’re’s a spread on iRotic Bots. Johnathan Ivy at his most sensual.
Bellidancer, I’d be wary of visiting CARS offices. Tacoma is right in the path of the massive pyroclastic mud flows from Mt. Rainier’s next eruption. That mountain is huge–When it blows, it will make Mt. St. Helens look like a cherry bomb!
One order of metropolitan toast, coming up!
Nice fake address, John. Trying to throw Apple Legal off your trail? The only valid house numbers for that street in Tacoma are in the 600-665 range…
Ace Duece, I visited Seattle and Mt. St. Helens last summer. I also drove though the “Heart of Darkness” (Redmond). It felt like 1984.
When I visited the visitor center at Mt. St. Helens, at first I was horrified at the danger “everyone” near Mt. Rainier is in. Sadly, I then started daydreaming of a “directed” eruption. Imaging a situation where the entire eruption was directed straight North, burying Redmond under ten feet of hot acidic ash. Does it make me a bad person to dream of wiping out Redmond? I wouldn’t want anyone hurt… just the foulness that is Microsoft wiped off the surface of the Earth.
This is an april fool’s joke, right? I mean, a magazine about Pete Schiller? Are they crazy?
I see, something like the empire’s Death Star.How ironic.
There might be some innocents there, however.
In other news, multiple sites are tapping marsupials from down under for names to replace Tiger: Wombat, Tasmanian Tiger. Next we’ll have Dingo and Wallaby. Can our Aussie friends explain this development?
This is so freakin’ hilarious. I didn’t even read the story. I just printed out a bunch of copies of the magazine cover and hung them around Apple. I’ll think I’ll hang one outside Phil’s office. Oh yeah. Sweet.
alpha geek John A. Vink
I like eating. Now let’s hide under these gloves!
I think we should all consider whether it really matters if Phil is Canadian. Isn’t it enough that our competition thinks he *might* be Canadian? If we can get them all haring off to Medicine Hat to try to recruit their marketing executives, wouldn’t that be funny?
-jcr (Not that jealous of Vink these days.)
PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES!
PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES! PEACHES!
Where’s my Chomsky-hat? The last time I saw it, it was gone.
- I’m funny!
- Are ya?
- No, it was a joke.
http://www.smileyweb.dk
I can’t believe Giant Squid Productions is trying to expand into the Schiller market by launching a new product. They need to learn to live off the resources already at hand.
I kicked a pigeon today.
So far as mursupial names to replace Tiger, all I’ve heard is talk of names based around Aussie sportstars;
“Greg Norman’s Great White Shark”
“C’mon brought to you by Lleyton Hewitt”
“Warnie’s Wrong’Un”
Australia also has very good male and female hockey teams. I’m not sure how well the Kookaburas or Hockeyroos would go on ice though, if that’s what we’re talking about?
So obvious it’s an April Fools joke. I mean, c’mon, Schillerworld Magazine. I mean Schilleruniverse still doesn’t cover it, but I don’t think Schiller-multi-dimensional-space would fit well across the top of the page.
Well done, Vink. Well done.
I love the idea of this being posted all over Apple HQ.
That’s “newsstand.” Otherwise, it’s just a stand that happens to be new.
Don’t blame me, I’m just the Spell Czech.
(And fighting a losing battle, I might add.)
I just checked my mail. Lo and behold the latest issue of Macworld. Second to last page has a section written by none other than….John Moltz! Very nicely done, John. Very funny.
Where’s my boots?
I look all day. It can get very tiresome, but I’m no phreon. Well, I wouldn’t if I had but I like building sentences which suddenly change subject. Oh, I just found my boots. They’re in this bucket of ovens.
Who put them there?
And why not?
What am I trying to say?
– Powered by Comment Space Waster Pro 2.1
– Please register at http://www.commentspacewaster.com/store
Oh no, are there still people using that terrible peace of crap software? I recall hours of reading through Comment Space Waster Pro (and Lite, the version which could only write one sentence a post) comments at Perversiontracker.
At least the other posters here registered the app (or cracked it).
I’ve heard they’re working on Comment Space Waster Server, oh what a dark future.
Wait a minute. It’s obvious the two posts above are written by the same person. How pointless and stupid.
Hey, you above me, you’re the same person as the two above you – who are you trying to kid?
Oh wait. I’m the same person as you.
This is stupid.
The boots you found in that bucket of ovens, are not your boots. They’re mine, because I put them there in order to stop the horde of funny stories. They keep coming! Hiding boots is the only way to stop them!!!
Btw: Your boots are in hell, please contact Satan:
Tfl. 13 13 13 13
or
Fax: 13 13 13 onion.
I called him, and leaved a message. I know him already, after all, I sold him my soul last week.
Where’s my boots, then? Last time I saw them, they were gone.
I told you before! THIS MONKEY IS MINE! in fact, it’s co-owned by a big company. The company pays me three thousand dollars each day to have me torturing it with a stick. I really don’t know why, but they do, and this is why I must tell you this: Last Friday, I found myself some nice pillow-color. I have now colored my pillow with those colors, and it seems to like it. Well, it’s really haven’t protested yet, so I guess it likes it.
By the way, the monkey is mine.
Well, Monkey Emperor, I must say one thing: Why didn’t you even MENTION grain in your comment? I think you are very discriminating to my kind of people by not thinking of grain when writing such things.
See you in court, asshole.
All your Grain are belong to us.
I like grainy weather.
Goosestep from The House of Campese.
Some might say the following information is totally unrelated to SchillerWorld, some might say it is related in a way that can only be fully understood when viewed from a standpoint of madness or from a little platform high in the Andes. Some might say…
OK – Confections/Caffeinated beverages available in Australia;
Jolt Cola – Available but not widely utilisied
V – The preferred caffeinated guarana drink. Originates in NZ so it’s claimable as an Australian product by precedents set in the case of Russell Crowe.
Pixi Sticks – As described, I have seen such a product, but they’re not accepted enough to be given an iconic name.
Psyko I’ll put a MARK here for you so you don’t have to read the above. If anyone else has a marker, let me know what it is and I’ll append it to all future posts.
MARK
I have a purple marker here, for your convenience.
I once saw it eat my penguins. I’ve never seen it mark anything. Be careful.
Schiller is awesome.
Ha! The mailing label has a bogus address. I know because I live across the street.